BEST COLLECTION OF NOVEMBER RANDOM JOKES
Brought To By: DANIEL
1. I visited my wicked teacher and
he asked me to polish his shoes. I
went to the living room and found
his two daughters sitting and
relaxing. I told them their dad
wanted me to have sex with them.
They insisted he won't say that so I
shouted; *Sir, both of them? He
said yes.* That is when I had my
revenge
2.*Your boyfriend dumped u 2
weeks before his wedding, Baby
don't feel sad . at least u made it to
semi finals *
3. If a guy invites u to his room and
his friends starts leaving the room
one by one...My sister,follow the
last person thank me later
4.You have been single from
January to October and as we enter
in November you found love. Bro
do not accept, the devil wants to
play with your little savings ...
Concentrate!
5.Some people prefer their
relationship to spoil than their
street transformer
6.Why do couples hold hands
during their wedding day ? simple it
is just a formality like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight
begins!!
7.Glory be to god...
I have stop cheating. Am now
focusing on my 3 girlfriends.
I just want to be faithful.
8.*My sister you're saying we
should trust you, but every day you
post pics in different beds.*
*Are you a carpenter*
9.*Technology has really spoilt the
world* *..Imagine....my mum
doesn't count the pieces of meat in
the pot again.....* *She takes short
video clips of the soup and even
capture it....* *how will I be able to
slim fit the meats now?*
10.Never eat a cucumber from a
single lady's fridge
don't ask me why
11.I will be naming my daughter
*'Pregnant''* so when a guy meets
her:
Guy: Hi, am *lucky*
Her: Hi, am *Pregnant.*
*case Closed*
12.Congratulation to all the ladies
who got pregnant by guys they
met on Facebook, you're carrying a
little notification
13.You are too proud to kneel
down before God in Church, but
you kneel down for 8 hours when
receiving doggy style, My sister
your deliverance demands 30
bottles of anointing oil
14.Do you have a stubborn sister or
daughter who always go clubbing
and don't like sleeping home, if
yes?*
*Then contact us on*
We impregnate such girls to avoid
them going out . Just Call our
Admins Reezzyn
*No disappointment *
15.Since I was born nd now I am
getting old i have never seen an
aboki DJ before,brother have u
seen?
16.Do we still have ladies that ask
"Promise me you won't break my
heart"?
17.I'll do anything for you, I will die
for you.. "Says your boyfriend who
urinates in the basin at night for
fear of going outside.
18.som pple Don't Know The Right
Time To Greet. How Can I Be
Urinating On The Road & U Still
Greet Me? Can't U Pretend Dat U
Didn't See Me?
19.Teacher. Name two days of the
week that start with "t". Pupil:
Today and Tomorrow.
20.Ladies before you wear your
torn underwear always ask yourself
*"WHAT IF I FAINT"
21.I need a female bestie that will
look at me sometimes and say
" Oya comman do small"
22.Most ladies hate getting into a
new relationship simply because
dey hv to start acting as if dey dnt
like money for like 2months.
23.I dun understand why We spend
a lot of money on Clothes to
impress someone we want to be
naked with
24.in Nigeria you will buy V.I.P
tickets just to end up sitting on a
speaker *
25.You SHAVE IT IN PRIVATE AND IT
ITCHES IN PUBLIC but
WHY???
26. Bro, Are u still wondering why u
are short? It's bcx ur Father tried to
pull out.
So D Rest Of ur Height landed on
bedsheet
27. I overheard my beautiful
neighbor telling his cheating
boyfriend that I will teach you a
lesson by sleeping with someone
from next door... It's been three
weeks ve not gone to work,i'm
waiting ...Please pray that she
chooses me..
.
28. You won't know that you hav
Kung Fu Skills, Until Cockroaches
Run All Over ur Body*
29.Some girls will spend 5k on
makeup
And still look like Pogba
30.If your nipples automatically
faces the ground when you take off
your bra, then my sister I'm sorry
to tell you that what you have
there is not a breast, it's ripped
plantain
31.A relationship without trust is
like having a phone with no
service .. And what do you do with a
phone with no service?? You play
games ...
32.Dancing with a fat girl is like
moving fridge from one place to
the other
Don't argue with me
33.Anytime I see slim girl with big
head, I remember my standing fan
at home
34. My fear of weed increased d day
a friend got high for the first time,
only to get home & began to
Introduce himself to his Family.
35.Never trust people with gap
between their front teeth ...that's
the freeway of lies ......except
Moi
36.Some of you are not even happy
in your marriages/Relationships..T
he only time you’re happy is when
you’re reading my posts!
37. How the fight started*
Interviewer:how much milk do these cows give you per day?
Farmer:which one? the black or the brown?
Interviewer:the brown
Famer:couple of litres per day
Interviewer:what about the black?
Farmer:couple of litres per day
Interviewer:(getting angry) what do you feed them?
Farmer:which one? the black or brown?
Interviewer:the black
Farmer:i feed him with grass
Interviewer:what about the brown?
Farmer:i also feed him with grass
Interviewer:(now boiling)why are you are you asking me the black or brown!!!
Farmer:because the brown is mine
Interviewer:what about the black?
Farmer:it's also mine
We're still seperating them since 5hours ago
The mic is broken already
The speaker is in a coma
The camera man is still running around protecting his camera
And twas a live show
Someone help us...!!!
38. After a french man finished having sex
with a prostitute,
He gave her some money..
So the prostitute escorted him to the
airport so that he takes his flight,
When the french man was about to take
his flight,
He gave the prostitute a naughty smile
and said
`LA MONEY LA FAKE'
The prostitute also gave him a naughty
smile and said
`LA ME LA AIDS'.
*The french man fainted*
39. My boss sent me on an errand, so I decided to use a shortcut that pass through the cemetery.. Two ladies ran towards me telling me how scared they are..
I told them I used to be afraid too when I was alive.
Right now...
I can't tell you their speed limit.
40. When we were growing up they used to tell us that education is the key to success
Now we went to school, graduated, got the key only to find out that
the government has CHANGED the padlock
41. On my wedding day...During the kissing section... The Mc should kukuma bring bed... We die here!
42. Just finished graphic works and printing of my wedding invitation card...
I won't be able to give you guys for now because I'm still looking for a girl that will marry me...
Village people eeh!!!
43. Once your phone battery dies...You then sit down to plan your life... Boom!!! Light comes back then plan is suspended
Village people sha
44. The rush us story ●
Dem dey rush us
Dem dey rush us..
●That was How emeka rushed nkechi.!
After two weeks
Nkechi was now rushing to the backyard to vomit
Her parents now rushed her to the hospital
The doctor then rushed her to the theatre to conduct a test!
Few minutes later
The doctor rushed out and confirmed her pregnant!!
Nkechi's father rushed her and gave her a hot slap!!
Her mother rushed and rescued her
As soon as they got home, nkechi rushed to emeka 's house
But emeka already rushed out of the window and in a rush, vanished to his village
What a rushing story!!
45. HOW TO STEAL A CHICKEN
- Survey the area for about 1 week.
- On the day of operation, wear an
oversized shirt.
- Be at the place between 11am to
2:30pm. At this time of the day, the
owners will be gone to work or be
indoor. The chicken will be playing
outside happily.
- Walk at the edge of the street and let
the chicken walk freely at the centre,
[its more easy if you are in the village]
- This is where you make the grand
move.
- Dive like a goalkeeper and grab the
chicken by the head. Quickly fold the
head into the feathers and put it inside
your oversized shirt.
- Move on as if nothing happened. No
looking back.
THANK-ME- LATER.
How to steal a cow is next
If them catch you please don't mention my name oooo.
46. Girl: Baby, can you speak Italian, German or French??
Because you like watching their games so attentively.
*Boy:yeah l understand everything...
*Girl:Mmmmh, can u speak a little so I can hear??
*Boy: Neymar Totti messi Ancelotti Del Piero Gonzalo Dybala
Arbeloa Maldini Di Natale Monte Atletico...
*Girl: waoool...What does it mean???
*Boy: ln all days of my life, you will remain being in my heart.
*Girl: Bebe...thank you...l love you so much...
*Boy: Ngolo kante...
*Girl:Mmhh...And what does it mean???
*Boy: Means l love you too..
47. He claim he's fighting terrorism when he can't walk without soldier guards
48. If all people are like Ghanaians and Zambians then it gonna be a dark world
Even the sun will change its color
49. Girls with big bags are dangerous
They visit u and ur fridge get missing
Don't shout on me am not feeling fine
50. Dating More than 5girls is a method of confusing ur village people from attacking ur wife
But girls won't understand
51. Marrying a fat girl is good until its time to carry your bride
Plss oh
52. In my secondary school era
Fork is a kitchen utensils
Pussy is a cat
Dick is a name of a person
Figure 8 is a number
Date is pertaining time
Gene is a biological state (gin)
Best means excellent
. .
But when I got to this place u all ruin my education
53. In the past before I was born the PAST was ruling the country
Presently the PAST is still ruling
Next year the Same PAST is still aspiring to become our president
Pls where are those that do call us leaders of tomorrow they have some explanation to render
Wat nonsense
Let's say NO to the PAST
Old things must pass away
Lemmy run away
54. Beat a Nigerian child, give him a sweet and ask who beat ,, he will point to another person
That was the origin of corruption
In Nigeria
55. In Nigeria.....
Teachers are been owed while the principalt is buying a new exotic jeep
Pls its our culture in Nigeria not corruption
Let's just patiently wait for our own thunder
56. Being fat in poverty is not good
If u say u have not eaten people will not belief you
57. You are wondering why your
mummy's prayers have not been
working, How do you expect it to
work? When your mother is busy
praying for Cynthia Adaku Ugboma. And you have changed your name to
Mhz Ad Cynthia,
My dear, angels don
find you tire. Lemme come and be going
58.Because you met him at an eatery
eating oha soup and his name happens
to be Amadi, You decided to save his number as 'Amadioha'
.
.
.
Your ancestors are waiting for you!!
59.This economy problem is really getting
worst every day.......
Imagine someone pricing NEPA bill...
.Bros abeg, No Vex?
how much is Low current??...
Lemme go before oversabi kill me
60.Dating a short guy is nice untill Ushers
carry him to children's section on
Sunday.
Leave me Lemmy just cry
61. Hey bro
Anytime u see a girl going to weekly Church program just know there are 2things involved
Is either she is looking for husband
Or...
She is waiting for her HIV test result
Hey don't argue we are not age mate
62. You sent #500 airtime to a girl yet
you're still owning MTN #50.... My
brother your ancestors are already
ashamed of you.
63.Hmmm...some igbo niggas will be
wearing an obituary T-shirt for so long,
that you would think they killed the
person # lemme_come_nd_be_going
64.The film I watched last night is doing
my body somehow How can a ghost be chasing somebody
and fall
# Nollywood_pls_na _
65. Pls if you know anyone dah has a car
for sale, any model and any color. In
good condition with all the documents
valid and legal, and the price is
between 1.5 and 3million Please let
him/her SELL it. I am not interested. #lemme_come_nd_be_going am in my house o
66.Hey guys... This Saturday I'll be having barbecue
party at home. I'm getting some drinks,
Cat fish and chicken. If you are free and
think it's a good idea you should also do
the same at your house.
67. When your boyfriend says it's over on any social media....that's what they call electronic divorce
68. I wonder why a guy will kneel down and propose to a girl and she will start crying ...wait is the ring made of onions
69. If your boyfriend has a car break the windscreen if he doesn't beat you...my sister marry him # asiri oro
70. Show me a guy with one girlfriend and I will show you a goat that lay eggs # try me
71. Heartbreak is when you bought suya #200 naira only for you to get home and realize that the aboki sell onions #150 and meat #50 naira.
72. When you are downloading a movie of 1:24gb and its shows downloading failed at 1:23gb my friend just know that all the heart you have broken are at work
73. You slept with Mary,grace,Ruth without using any protective material and you now going to salon with your own clipper..... My guy just know that virus is in your head dancing # shakushaku
74. If slim girls are called bae then fat girls will be called basins
75. Anything can happen in school but mathematics teacher never fall sick ... # wonyaweregan
76. Today I bought iron man from one street hawker when I played it on my dvd it was showing a man ironing is clothes... I just switched off the tv and cried for 2hours
77. Nobody has a better eyesight than husband coming out of an hotel with prostitute... Omo he can even see tomorrow
78. You are walking with guitar because you want to become upcoming artist ...my guy have ever seen an upcoming prostitute walking with a bed
79. Dear fat people apart from snoring which other instruments do you play # naquestion oooo
80. How to know the last price of good in Nigeria if you waka and they don't call you back my friend turn back that's the last price
81. You have enjoyed this jokes that you did notice that there is no no13
My friend you just checked and you saw it was not there.
82. A girl sent me friend request on Facebook and I accepted and she wrote *10x4d+* and I replied *5b-3y=0* then she blocked me
I never knew she meant "thanks for the add" I thought we are doing algebra.
83. There was an earthquake in our street this morning by the time we get out to check it was one fat girl jogging.
84. They said laughing is the best medicine but if you laugh without no reason omo you are sick
85. Omo I use all my strength to write this and you will read without liking or comment omo I decree onto you that the thunder Wey go strike you no get CCTV.
86. I laugh seriously when I hear people say Bill Gates, and Mark Zuckerberg dropped out from school..... And still made it very big in life...
Remember they dropped out from Harvard University, And not Uniben, or Unilag, ...better face your studies .A Harvard University drop out is equal to a PHD degree holder in Uniben
87. THIS IS NIGERIA
Small rain , NEPA will take light.
Small Swag, SARS will harass you.
Small Car , Your village people
won't let you rest
Married couple with heavy Sex, no child . Unmarried youth with Small sex, TWINS don show
88. The Way some Girls Be Wishing Their Fellow Girls Happy Birthday On Social Media Will Get You Thinking That They Are Advertising Them For Marriage . They Will Be Like.. Happy Birthday To this My Beautiful Hardworking intelligent Romantic Sexy wedding dresses for pregnant
Prayerful Honest Funny caring And Loyal Bae She Can Pray For Africa She's The Best Cook
yoU Will Ever Come Across, She Can Work Work Work She's Even A # VIRGIN
All These writeup and you claim it is birthday wish??
# My Dear Its A CV
89. I saw how two policemen entered the bus without paying and u expect me not to go and buy Police form Leave me oh . Its good to fight for his or her Country.
90. When I started Facebook newly
I sent a friend request to Nicky minaj
then she accepted
I was happy until she asked me to
send her mtn credit.
91. Enough is enough for this slay queens How can u say u just deleted ur bluetooth leave me am going to my village
92. How can a waec candidate go to prison for examination malpractice when even the military and the civil servants cheat during thier exam Lemme not talk sha
93. The amount of witchcraft in nigeria eh
today ur friend will tell u that there is no where like home . Discourage u to play lottery and next week he will tell u his travelling to netherland Idiot netherland is ur ancestors home abi
94. I was passing through a deaf beggar and i said <Thunder strike u> . He replied same to u leave me oh . I must reach police station today
95. Police is my friend After beating me cos they ask of
# Papers and i gave them Particulars Leave me oh my ancestors will judge
96. Some girls will have diabetes and still be keeping Sugar daddys lemme Not talk sha
97. I visited a zoo at ibadan just to find out that there is a long que at snake , monkey and rat department Nigerians Pls na
98. I borrowed 500 airtime from airtel and since them they've been Reacharge 500 and own 2monkeys and a snake . See thier mouth do they think they have sense ni
99. Anyone that want to commit suicide should just come lemme just sell the person to ritualist
100. Olamide need to be questioned
Bro when do science student turn to Dancers tell him to bribe me unless i will shout oh
101. He took u as a wife
Sponsor ur siblings to university level
Build a mansion for ur parent
Took u abroad
And u still call him baby idiot he is ur Lord and Personal Savior . Thank God i did not say anything
102. Girls that have sugar daddy don't need anything sugary again Ur sugar daddy is enough to drink garri
103. When u see a guy schooling , it is hard to see his phone with 200 naira reacharge card
But just see a girls account balance u will think she is dating Airtel
104. This one that my goat is peeping at me when am keeping my money idiot u will still enter pot
105. The moment u are plucking mango with a stick hitting the mango so hard until it dropped and hit an old woman
bro can't u see that u won't eat mango for a lifetime
106. Am Sorry Is sincesly said when ........
A guy cheated on a girl when he knows that her father is a native doctor
107. Over wisdom is when a professor Votes for a Battle herdsman as president and will still support thats Teachers are better than Farmers just leave nigerians alone
108. Mosquito is the only that can make a dead man in nolywood to tap himself
Can u imagine
109. I watch one film yesterday when a girl fell down and died before the Gun was even shot nolywood pls na
110. Since when a man gave a testimony in the church of miraculously cured by ebola the pastor , deacons have refused to collect the microphone from him
now the church board have decided to dash him the microphone hmmm o men of little faith Dr sam just leave me lemme hold the church offering box and give my Testimony
111. Its only in buhari regime that some nigerians trekked to congratulate him for winning the presidential election
And since then nigeria has still continue trekking due to lack of fuel and increase of fuel Am in my house come and arrest me
112. Thin girls with big butts and big head will be looking like PDP'S UMBRELLA
113. Its only in nigeria that a guy will be bearing wisdom and still be the last positing in his class Fada lawd where are u
114. U will ask a girl - Why didn't u wake up early and she will reply u that
Its because am broke idiot what concern money and sleep
115. the logo of APC party IS BROOM
and will still voted for them Now they are using the broom to sweep away our money and we are complaining
don't let me catch u guys o
116. Muslim girls will collect money for hair from their bf and will still cover her hair when she goes to visit him lemme not talk sha
117. Guy with big butt are the ones that mostly practice gay
U wanna argue , oya argue with ur ancestors
118.I saw my Ex's mum wearing my jacket.
Honestly I contributed a lot to that
family.
119. Some girls are afraid of bringing thier phone out because they use iphone on fb and asha 202 real life
120. U earn 400k and u put 4k as tithe and still be claiming an honest person
Sister and brother can u see how ur village people is putting more firewood into ur hell fire
121. .I can not be controlled by a
calendar.
Merry Christmas to every one.
Love you all
My fingers are paining me.
122. Omo I use all my strength to write this and you will read without liking or comment omo I decree onto you that the blessings you never imagine shall be your portion.
Hahahaha,,, you thought i wanted to abuse you.. Stay cool, relax and have fun.